The Burger Babes Have It Their Way at “The Counter”

Spring may be just weeks away, but we’re getting a little cabin fever down at the old office and it’s still too cold to eat outside. Food trucks are cool, but grabbing your takeout with frigid fingers as a wicked wind roars down 52nd Street is not. I consult Zany.

TW: (sounding hungry and desolate) I’m going stir crazy. Somebody spotted me downstairs at Subway the other day and threatened to expose me on CNN. We need a new lunch adventure!

Zany: (with an efficient, “take no prisoners” tone) Call Marie Antoinette. We need a strategy session! We need flavor!! We need variety!!! We need real utensils!!!! Let’s move!!!!!

Zany is the General MacArthur of the lunch hour.

For lunchtime maneuvers, we journey out into Times Square in search of hot food, eaten indoors. Our target is The Counter just below 42nd Street, which promises fresh, 100 percent natural Angus beef hormone and antibiotic-free burgers, customized our way.

Some math genius in the promotions department has determined that there are 312,210 combinations available at The Counter. This has Marie Antoinette a bit intimidated.

“That does not bode well for the most indecisive person ever – moi!” she says without uncertainty.

Following a brisk walk through Times Square – where there may be more pigeons than people – we pause to look at the multi-media show in The Counter window, where burgers, buns and toppings multiply before our eyes. There’s something oddly captivating – and even thrilling - watching this burger constantly regenerate, but then, it is Times Square, so food porn is acceptable.

We push through the glass door and leave the cold air behind us. The warm, lip-smacking aroma of flame-broiled beef envelopes us immediately. We take a seat at the counter. There are tables, but somehow it seems appropriate to eat at the counter at The Counter. Zany notes that it’s a nice compromise between eating standing up on 52nd Street and sitting down like grown-ups. The décor is ultra modern – clean, white counters and blinding, bright lights. It’s a bit like having a cheese burger in George Jetson’s kitchen. We are lucky we arrived when we did. Within minutes, the place is jammed and there’s a line out the door.

We are each presented with clip boards and pencils and a long list of options to build our orders. Think of it as a multiple choice burger.

It’s just five steps to a better burger – meat, cheese, toppings, sauce, and bun. While we wait for our burgers, Marie Antoinette and I each indulge in a shake. Hers is Peanut Butter. Mine is an “adult” coffee shake with a shot of Kahlua. (Don’t raise your eyebrows. I’m an adult) As the shakes are delivered, Zany swipes her index finger through the dollop of whipped cream atop Marie Antoinette’s shake.

M-A is horrified. “Are your fingers clean?” she demands.

“I just walked through Times Square,” says Zany. “Of course they’re clean.”

Zany is a fried pickle chip connoisseur (it’s a genetic thing) and she approves of The Counter’s approach. The golden fried coating is hot and crispy, with cool, crunchy pickle concealed within.

Three mountainous burger platters are placed before us. Marie Antoinette scores on originality, with kind of a Switzerland-takes-Texas creation, with a brief stop at Coney Island. Her burger consists of beef on Texas Toast, Gruyere cheese, tomato, mixed greens, Applewood smoked bacon, fried onion rings and a side of horseradish mayo.

My burger is built on a foundation of Texas Toast – beef, Tillamook Cheddar, grilled onions, Applewood smoked bacon, roasted red peppers, lettuce and red relish. I try to wrestle the small tower into my mouth, but I am quickly facing an architectural disaster. I am forced to resort to knife and fork, and deflect the scorn of my comrades-in-arms.

The Zany Burger is beef on a bun, Tillbrook Cheddar, dill pickle chips, tomato, mixed greens, and Applewood Smoked Bacon. She cuts her burger in half and reveals a perfectly cooked, pink center, which she garnishes with a smear of chipotle aioli. She sighs with supreme satisfaction and takes a bite.

“This is why I woke up at 5:30 in the morning to work out,” says Zany. “Right here.”

While I would dearly love to leave you in burger bliss, I must conclude with a bit of foreshadowing. There may be lean times ahead for our little lunch platoon …

©2011 T.W. Barritt All Rights Reserved